I had another blog post scheduled for this week and I will probably post it as well but, I felt compelled to talk about gratefulness. I watched a Netflix special last night called The Call To Courage, it’s a talk from Brene Brown. She is a shame researcher, who knew that was even a thing, and her research has uncovered some astounding things about shame, fear and guilt.
At the center of overcoming those nasty little emotions I mentioned above is vulnerability, courage and gratitude. Brene is the expert and covers vulnerability and courage in her Netflix special so I encourage you to go watch that. I would like to talk about my own experiences with gratitude.
I have noticed that in certain generations today gratitude doesn’t seem to be a thing for them. There aren’t a lot of thank you’s or kind words of gratefulness or just a general appreciation for the things that they have. Maybe, gratitude is something that you only gain when you have felt loss. Maybe, gratitude is a learned behavior and if you have never been around grateful people you don’t know what it is. Maybe, people who are not grateful are entitled and believe that the world owes them something. Maybe, it’s all of these things.
Over the last few years I have experienced tremendous loss as well as great joy! Through all of those up’s and down’s the single most important emotion I felt was gratefulness. One of my greatest fears was being alone with someone as they died. On November 28th, 2016, I faced that fear head on as I sat at my father’s bedside and held his hand while he took his last breath. He had lost his 5 year battle with cancer and I was the only person there to comfort him in his last moments. I was terrified because I was being forced to face my own mortality but, my dad was dying and there was nothing scarier than that, for him. I had no choice in that moment but to be brave. After it was all over and my Dad had peacefully slipped away and I was numb and reeling with grief the one emotion that kept coming up for me was gratefulness. I was so grateful that I got to be the person to comfort my Dad. I was so grateful that I got to tell him how much I loved being his daughter, even though the last few years had been strained for us, I got to tell him how much I loved him and I know in his last moments on this earth he heard me and I will be forever grateful for that!
Just nine short months later my Mom became very ill. We moved her in with us and unbeknownst to anyone even herself, she also had cancer. The time between my Dad’s death and my Mom’s death were stressful but, I again felt so much appreciation for the closeness that I had with my Mom. The time that we spent together was priceless. Just three short days before she passed we found out that she was so sick because she had metastatic lung cancer. That diagnosis was given on a Monday night and my Mom died on Friday morning. It was fast and hard and it was the most painful experience emotionally that I have been through yet. With my Dad it was slow and tedious, we saw it coming for years and had time to prepare. With my Mom it was like a sucker punch in the face that I never saw coming. It left me stumbling, confused and hurt.
I had just started a new job and I was worried that they would not understand my need, after just one day of work, to have time off. I was so appreciative when they graciously said take whatever time you need just let us know when you are ready to return. I watched the nurses at the hospice care center so lovingly and tenderly caring for my mom and I was so grateful for skilled nurses with beautiful hearts. I was so grateful that there was pain management options and anti-anxiety medications available to make her transition from life to death more comfortable. I was so thankful that I got to hold my Mom’s hand for the entire last night that we spent together. She opened her eyes and looked at me as she took her last breaths and I am so grateful that she knew I was there.
On February 12, 2019, I gave birth to my twins. I am sad to admit that I did not allow myself to fully feel the joy of that moment because I was too worried about what might go wrong. I was happy for sure and I was definitely grateful but, I was too anxious about what might happen to let myself feel the full emotions of joy and happiness. I think as humans we are programmed to expect the worst and in that we miss out on the most beautiful moments by not letting go and appreciating what is happening around us at that moment. When something beautiful and wonderful happens we all hold our breaths waiting for the other shoe to drop, don’t we?
In my experience the one emotion that changes the game is gratitude. When you are grateful even in the hardest moments, they become a little less disabling. When you are grateful in the happiest moments they become even sweeter! It seems so silly to talk about gratitude but, it really does something to you when you practice being thankful. It changes your outlook on the world. People become simply human and all of a sudden we are all fighting the same battles, wrestling with the same stresses and insecurities. The world seems to soften a bit and we have a little more understanding.
I am grateful for you, the person reading this and I am thankful for the opportunity to share a little bit of myself with you. I hope you can find some inspiration from the things I have experienced. If you like my blog please share with your friends and family and leave me a comment about your experiences of finding gratitude in difficult situations.
Leave a Reply