When we brought the Twins home from the hospital, all I could think about was my overwhelming anxiety that I would never sleep again. Since my babies were preemies I knew they would need to continue round the clock feedings for longer than a full term baby so, I was prepared for that but, the unknown really triggered my anxiety. The visions of being awake all day and all night were enough to make me melt down.
My wife and I decided that we would have the babies sleep in bassinets in our bedroom to start out with. They were so tiny and I was anxious about having them on the other side of the house. The great thing about newborns, they naturally sleep a lot! The first month of our little ones lives they were asleep…. literally, they slept the whole time. We woke them every 3 hours to eat and then they went right back to sleep. Most days they even slept through their bottles, we struggled at times to get them to eat all 3 ounces.
With that being said, sleep training isn’t really a thing when babies are that little. We concentrated on feeding, making sure that they were safe, comfortable and loved. The first 4-6 weeks for us was just about bonding and getting to know our precious new family members.
Once our babies were about 6-7 weeks old I transitioned them from their bassinets in our bedroom to their cribs in the nursery. Now, there are many different methods to sleep train your babies and you’ll have to find the method that works best for you and your family. My wife and I felt most comfortable with small steps and making changes gradually.
We decided that we would try to introduce them to their cribs at “nap time,” which was really just a point between feedings when they were asleep. They were still very small and didn’t have set naps.
I want to stop for just a second to give you a very important piece of information that I realized early on. The key to getting your kids to sleep through the night is teaching them to fall asleep on their own. That’s it, that’s the big secret! If you teach your children to fall asleep on their own they will stay asleep longer. All humans go through sleep cycles, even if we don’t realize it, we wake up multiple times during the night and then go back to sleep. We all move and re-position all night long, babies are no different. When they are younger than four months they stay mostly in very deep sleep cycles so it takes more noise, movement, light to wake them. That’s why it is important to start sleep training early. If you give them the foundation early on, when they hit the 4 month sleep regression and start cycling into lighter sleep stages and waking easier and more often, they will already know how to go back to sleep on their own. If you wait until after the 4 month sleep regression sleep training may become much more difficult.
Now, back to the story.. we tried to just put the babies in their cribs after we fed them but, that was a disaster, they just cried and cried because they were uncomfortable and in an unfamiliar place. We found that swaddling them after we fed them was a great way to signal that it was time to rest. We also realized that they were most comfortable in their boppy loungers. I started by putting the boppy loungers in their cribs and laying them swaddled in the lounger. I stayed in the room and put away clothes and picked up so they felt more comfortable. They would just lay there and look around and then they would naturally just doze off. Once they were asleep I would turn the light out and leave the room. I left their projector on so if they woke up they had something to look at and I left the white noise on to help them get use to the sound. We usually only did one nap a day, in their cribs, at the beginning. These first few days, if they stayed in their cribs for more than 30 minutes I was happy. This was more of a transition period, I didn’t have much expectation I just wanted them to get comfortable falling asleep in their nursery.
I did this for about a week and then I removed the boppy loungers and started laying them in the crib swaddled, I left everything else the same. We did that for a couple days and then I started laying them down with the room dark and immediately leaving. We took each small step over a couple of days until we were finally laying them down swaddled in the dark room with just the white noise. They would lay there are look around for a few minutes and then go to sleep, on their own, no crying.
Another tip that I have for you, that I find works well for us, is to have a routine. You don’t have to be strictly scheduled unless you like that sort of thing. I prefer to have a routine, where we do the same things in the same order every time. I would feed one baby at a time, we had them set 30 minutes apart for our own sanity. Once that baby was fed, burped and had a diaper change, I would swaddle and lay that baby down. Each child knew that once they were done eating, had a clean diaper and was swaddled that meant it was time to rest. I would lay them down, comfortable, full and sleepy and they would doze right off . In the evening we always do bath, bottle, bed, it’s the routine we have had since they were about 2 month old and they know once they get in the bathtub that it’s time to start winding down.
By about 2 1/2 to 3 months old we had tackled the task of getting them to fall asleep on their own. We were still feeding them every 4 hours around the clock at this point. Night time was the same ritual, we would get one baby out of the crib, change their diaper, feed and burp them. We would then swaddled them back up and go lay them back down, that baby would go right back to sleep no fussing or crying. We would then repeat the exact same process with the next baby. If they did wake in the middle of the night between feedings we would quietly go in the nursery, lay our hand on their tiny bodies and quietly shhhhh. Sometimes I would rub their back or stroke their foreheads so they knew I was there and they would usually drift right back off.
Now here came the hard part for me. Trying to figure out the right timing for pushing them to sleep through the night. I didn’t want to push them if they weren’t ready but, I also knew that we needed to start encouraging longer periods of sleep between feedings. Three months straight of waking up every 4 hours was starting to takes it’s toll on us. We took turns and created a sleeping schedule so we could at least function but, we were both very tired.
The night time feedings were scheduled at midnight, my wife and I usually tag teamed this one because she worked until 11 pm and I usually pumped around 10 pm so I was up anyway. I would lay down after the midnight feeding. The next one was scheduled at 4 am, she also took that one because it was easier for her stay up another couple hours. After the 4 am feeding she would lay down for the night. I usually got back up around 6 or 7 to pump again and then I would start the day and take the 8 am feeding.
We decided to let the babies naturally navigate the process of sleeping through the night. We did this by just letting them sleep. We felt that the 4 am feeding would be the first one to get rid of so, instead of waking them up at 4 am we just let them wake up on their own. Sometimes they still woke up at 4 am, sometimes it was 5 am and eventually it went to 6 am. I took some time but, they eventually started eating at midnight and then not waking up again to eat until around 6-7 am.
We talked a lot about how to best eliminate the midnight feeding. We decided that we would bump the midnight feeding just a little earlier and do what was called a dream feed. Now, they were both taking about 5-6 ounces four times a day, with another feeding at midnight. Dream feeding is where you go in, quietly and gently get your baby out of their crib, sit down in the dark nursery and feed your baby. Once they are done you lay them back down. You do not change any diapers unless, they are poopy of course, you don’t even have to burp them unless you want to. Your baby does not wake up but, they are full and satisfied once again and will sleep longer.
The twins were about 3 1/2 to 4 months old when we eliminated the dream feedings. We would feed the babies about 7:30 pm and lay them down to sleep by 8 pm. They would sleep all night until about 6 -7 am the next morning.
Remember earlier when I talked about the 4 month sleep regression? Well, we hit it and we hit it hard. The gently Shhhhh of olden days no longer works when you have a baby who can roll and move. When your tiny human is all of a sudden aware of their surroundings and they are curious or frightened by it all, gentle Shhhhh is pretty pointless. I all of a sudden had two babies that cried and cried and cried when we laid them down and they were waking up in the middle of the night screaming. I can honestly tell you I was shook when this started. I didn’t navigate this change as well as I could have so let me tell you what I did so you know, not to do this. At 3 am when you have a screaming baby who has woken up his/her sibling, so that you now have two screaming babies, nothing makes much sense and logical thought has jumped right out the window with your sanity. My instinct was to go to them and scoop them out of the crib give them a bottle and rock them back to sleep. So, that’s what I did. I don’t regret it because it got us through and gave me precious time with my little ones. I did learn quickly that my babies are smart and once you do something a few times with them they are going to expect it. My son formed a new habit of waking every morning at 3 am demanding his bottle, cuddles and rocking so he could go back to sleep. I tried to go in and comfort him and leave with out picking him up but, he would just scream even louder as he watched me leave the room. As hard as it was for me, I learned quickly that I was just going to have to let him cry it out. It was agonizing and against every fiber in my body but, it worked. It took almost a week but, he eventually stopped waking at 3 am.
As my kids got older, they became more aware of the world around them and sleep was not as easy. At about 8 months they realize that parents and caregivers exist even when they are not in the room with them. This can create some tears and crying when they can’t see you. I found that giving them comfort items seem to help them fall asleep when they are having a hard time. My daughter became very fond of her lovey with the binky attached, sweetly known as Elley. She nurses the binky and runs her fingers over the little stuffed elephant and peacefully dozes off. My son has never really enjoyed a binky the way my daughter does, his favorite is a particularly warm and soft blanket. He pulls it close to him and rubs his face on it and with in minutes he is asleep.
My babies are 9 months old and we are happily sleeping 12 hours at night and have been since about 3-4 months old, Minus nights where things were out of the norm, they have done really well with sleeping.
I am not an expert, I am just a Mom with Twins sharing with you what has worked for us. If you also have multiples or are expecting multiples and they are going to be sharing a room, I understand the fear of them waking each other up. I will tell you it does happen sometimes and in those moments you decide how to handle the situation. I will also tell you, there are many nights where one twin will soundly and peacefully sleep through the other babies hysterical meltdown. They become use to the sound of their twin and can sleep right through it. It’s crazy but, it happens.
I hope if you are struggling with a baby not sleeping through the night that this helps. I also hope that if you are expecting and wondering about sleep training, that this might provide you with good information.
I believe that as Mom’s we understand our kids the best and we instinctively know what they need, when they need it. Trust your intuition and don’t let other people push you to do things before you or your kids are ready. They are only little once, enjoy the quiet, sweet moments that you get with them before they are sleeping all night long. Try to plan ahead and figure out how to navigate the night time feedings. Make sure you have help or a schedule in place between you and your partner so that you can all rest! It makes the experience that much sweeter when you don’t feel so overwhelmed all the time. Take a deep breath Momma, you got this!!
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